So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
