i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
