This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
