Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
