I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
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