how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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