The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I believe in your delicious
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