I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
