At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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