does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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