What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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