Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
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He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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