Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I AM VODKA MAN
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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