but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
