he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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