you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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