I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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