JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
