Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Life is so much better after having sex.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
