My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
