I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
