Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
