i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
