I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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