I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
She announced her abortion via fbk
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
