You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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