dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
