You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
