I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
