You work out of a Hotel?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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