Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
