I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
