On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
