i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
