she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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