A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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