i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
