Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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