Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
