3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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