my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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