My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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