Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
