If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
