so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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