im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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