he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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