sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
