Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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