is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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