I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
