I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
