She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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