I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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