Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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