I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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