Christians are straight up FREAKS
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
