He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
