apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
