I hope mine doesn't look like that
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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