You can't special order awesome
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
