You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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