my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
