So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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