There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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