I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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