yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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